Snoozefest Alert!

Grab your Red Bull everyone, Chris Harrison promised the drama would be toned down this season.  You mean… another boring season? But how can we expect otherwise? Emily was the.most.boring.bachelorette EVER! Why do you think she hardly got airtime with what’s-his-name? 

Chris explained: “It’s just a very different season with very different drama. You don’t have the frat house humor and drama that maybe you’ve seen in seasons past with younger contestants. I liken it to Jason Mesnick’s season. There’s a much more serious tone. Calling it drama almost doesn’t do it justice. Emily’s trying to figure out if these guys are right to start a family with.” (yawn…Oh sorry. There’s more….)

He also said, “Hot tubs always mysteriously appear! No, this season is very different. The thing about Emily too is that she’s not a crazy bungee jumping, sky diving kind of woman. She’s a Southern gem who likes to wear high heels and dresses. We cater and accommodate to who our Bachelorette is. In Charlotte, early on, there’s a building that we scale but it’s very tame. You definitely cater to who they are. You don’t bow down to their demands but we want her to be happy.” In other words, Chris, Emily is a demanding Southern Diva, with a pretty botoxed face (seriously, only her mouth moves), and a pink couch.

But there’s got to be something interesting going on. Right? 

Right! The new Bachelors range from race car drivers, to mushroom farmers, to single dads….to felons. That’s right! FELONS!

According to Reality TV Magazine, “several of Emily’s suitors have records, including Joe Gendreau, a 27-year-old Field Energy Advisor from Florida was reportedly found guilty of a misdemeanor that took place in September 2008. He was arrested for driving under the influence, and back in 2005, Gendreau was charged for urinating in public. Meanwhile, race car driver Arie Luyendyk Jr. has also been arrested in the past, once for driving on a suspended license, and again for not having a valid registration. 

But those two fail to compare to Doug Clerget. It has been leaked out that Doug Clerget, a real estate agent from Seattle, actually has a violent criminal past. Clerget was arrested back in 2000 for allegedly assaulting his ex-girlfriend with a shotgun. According to a Star magazine (and everything you read in Star is true. Right?) report, an argument between the pair got so heated that things turned physical and he “pushed her and held her against the wall,” and it continued when he started firing shots in the backyard. Doug Clerget’s ex has also accused him of physically abusing her daughter in the past as well.”

So I say, let’s go for it! Let’s watch! And to those drinking game fans out there… beware raising a glass every time she mentions her dead fiancé. You won’t remember a thing in the morning.