You've Got Male

Whenever I have a hard life question, I walk along the beach for a mile or so, and write my question in the sand too. 

(I wanted to gag because that was super corny, but I thought it was sort of cool!)

Can we just get my pain out of the way? Seeeaaannn! Noooooo!!!

Are you kidding me? She just You’ve Got Mailed him!

This is my all-time. favorite. movie. ev-er. I’ve seen it a gazillion and one times! “Sushi!” (see?) Apparently it’s Emily’s favorite too, because no one just says that. “I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly…” It’s classic Nora Ephron! And besides that, in this case, what does that even mean? If you wanted it to be him so badly, then why in the heck wasn’t it him?! ARRRRGH!

  

Where did you go wrong Sean? Wait. Hang on a sec. I’ll MAKE YOU A LIST!

Where Sean Screwed Up
1.  Tell her you love her already! "Um, I forgot what I was going to say." Dude. Seriously.

 

2.  You suddenly turned into some kind of awkward clunk.

Exhibit A

 3. She’s just not that into you, pal. (It had to be the kissing)

 

 4. Maybe you were just too perfect.

Jef and his hair arrive for his date…. Which consisted of, like, diving off dozens of cliffs, and like lots of voice-overs, and like an art lesson. 

You know, I like Jef. I do. It’s not that I’m trying to convince myself, I really do like him. Like, he’s cool. And like, she seems happy when she’s with him. And good for him for asking all the tough questions at dinner (didn’t you just LOVE her dress?).   

And I just LOVE that he said no to the Fantasy Suite! "Your daughter's going to be watching this, and my family's going to be watching this," he tells Emily. "There is a time and a place, I think, you know? I plan on spending every night with you in our own little Fantasy Suite." Love that. 

Except… did he say, "Now is the time for us to bridle these passions"? I’m going to try to forget about that. Moving along!

It’s time for unbridled passions with Arie! KISS! Emily doesn’t even trust herself in a place with beds around Arie so she decides to not even give him the fantasy suite date card.   

 
KISS! She actually cries over it! KISS! Now, if she doesn’t pick Arie, I feel rather sorry for the guy who’s going to be watching this! 

(KISS, KISS!)

So no Fantasy Suite dates....

No Sean....

And no clue what’s going to happen! Except if we believe Chris in the previews, "So, your mind is made up, right? You are done", she’s gonna pull a Womack! Now wouldn’t that be something!

So slap on your fake spray tans, 'cause next week's Men Tell All!