50 Shades of Crazy

Hello, Everyone! 
Hello, Sean! 
Hello, Sean's biceps! 
Hello, Sean's niece's air-conditioned palatial pink playhouse!
And hellooooo to you too, Arie, with the sort of gray hair. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving Sean some kissing lessons. He needed them. 

Let's get down to business. The girls. Usually I can pick out the frontrunners and can even spot a winner early on. But apparently not this time. It looks like one of my favorites, Desiree-the-bridal-consultant, has a boyfriend. And my other favorite, the adorable Tierra-with-the-heart-on-her-finger, is the one to hate. 

There are four black girls, among them, one "Southern Belle" who was making up her own Bayou Bronx accent, one who ate it while attempting a creepy crab back walkover thing (I laughed and rewound a couple of times), and one with orange hair and red lips.

Then there's the single mother with two kids (who knows Michelle Money and does 1F's hair ~ so she's the one to blame); the former foster child who's now a professional organizer (I rather like her, but unfortunately she spells her name AshLee); a cruise ship director whose tan makes her look like an oompa loompa; Paige, the fan-girl Bachelor Pad 3 reject; and a drunken bride who tells Sean she's got balls.

It gets worse. 

Her poor mother.

Then there's sweet, sweet Kacie B. Who somehow gets to return for another chance, looking slightly less sweet in a dress cut from here to there. Hey. You never know. Mary got another chance, and look what happened with her and fisherman Byron! Well, before she got drunk and punched him in the eye and landed in jail and they broke up. Never mind. 

And throw me for a loop. I'm just going to say it, people. Just to get it out of the way. Just to be completely politically incorrect. Just to say what we're all thinking.... We went from 1F Jef to 1 arm Sarah. There's no denying that she's a sweet girl. She's rather pretty. She's probably so very nice. But it's just that, well, something seems to be... missing. It's all rather disarming.

There you have it, fellow time wasters. No wonder Sean appeared to be praying when the first limo drove up. And from the previews, he's going to need all the help he can get! 

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Until next time!