"Here's What I Know"

Someone messed with my first 11 minutes. What gives Bachelor People? What happened to the shirtless workout voice-overs?

As Sean always says, 
"Here’s what I know"…
Montana is beautiful.
Every 1-1 date gets serenaded by a nobody.
One armed girls shouldn’t wear one shoulder dresses.
Don’t say “fustrating” – it makes you sound like a moron (so does saying “libary” and “valentime” – but that’s another story).
Chugging fresh, warm, thick, goat milk is never a good idea. For any reason.
Crying gets you the rose. Every time.
Sean apparently doesn't like chocolate.

Dear Selma,
What is that thing on your head? You look like a squirrel.

Dear Invisigirl Sweet little Jackie,
You never stood a chance, did you? I don’t think Sean ever realized you were on the show in the first place. Then there you were, pitifully plodding along in the rear on your little ol’ nag, eating their dust, while Tierra further plotted your demise. And then… and then, you spent your one-on-one time doing the Krazie B. Why? Oh, well. Consolation prize: you still got a little make out session, even when he had to know you were going home. That’s gross.

Dear Tierra,
You are quite good at this, aren't you? Just in case Jackie manages to win him over, you play your trump card -- the dead addict boyfriend. 

"The hardest part about losing him," she tells our gullible bachelor, "was that I lost my best friend. I think that's why I'm so afraid of getting close to someone." Oh brother. And he BUYS it! He gives her the rose and she sings it just like Courtney did! Did you notice? Here’s a little reminder.

The cocktail party was awesome. "If I want to get engaged, I can easily go get engaged! I'm not here to make friends! I'm a scorpion and I can sting you with my tail!" rages Tierra the Terrible.  (How about I take the Xanax and he sends her home?) According to our man, Chris, the cat fight went on for hours. You see, that's the stuff we wanna see!! Not a one armed girl trying to saw a log. Give us the good stuff, ABC!

Sean walks in just as Tierra lets loose... "I turn the corner and saw Tierra so angry," he marvels. "That blows me away. I don't know if the girls are picking on her, ganging up on her… or maybe she does act differently when she's not around me. I'm asking everyone to tell me what's going on, but they're all so vague!"  Oh, for heaven's sake, Sean!  Don’t make me move you back down the evolution line! Seriously. Get a clue, boy!
 
Here's what I know...
The show starts again in 15 minutes...
The first 11 minutes had better be good.
And Tierra had better truly freeze to death.