Amazing

After trying a couple of times to get through the first half of this week’s episode, instead of my regular blog, I considered sharing with you my progress in Smurf’s Village. Or better yet, we could explore an in-depth study and analysis of criminal behavior in Dickinsonian society. Both of which, I assure you, would be infinitely more riveting than Des’ amazing journey thus far.

But then, after asking myself for the millionth time why on earth I started this blog in the first place, I realized it was because no matter what, we LOVE this trashy stuff! That, and Kari’s making me. And Maria keeps giving me the evil eye. So here we go….

Amazing. She said it 15 times. Maybe more! I lost count.

"The first cocktail party was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better group of guys. I know my husband is in this room." Well, as long as you’re happy Desiree. But how can you say you’re confident your husband is in this room? It’s like walking into a restaurant and saying, “I know my husband is in here!”

Hooray for Hollywood

Wolfboy gets the first date. Haven’t we seen this date before? Like a million times? The wedding dress part was done before (Ashley). Hiking to the sign was done before (Ali). Dragging the dress in the dirt was probably done before. The recycled bridge dinner was definitely done before (Bachelor Pad). The no name band was done before. It seemed so fake. Like she was a really bad actress. On meds. But on a positive note, Brooks can cry on cue, and maybe he can get his teeth filed down.

Bad Rap

The rap thing was so awkward. These first group dates are always like this. And what’s Will the serial high-fiver doing there? I thought I sent him home last week.

So let me get this straight…. The Fantasy Suite guy offended her, but the "I'm your knight in shining armor/here to guard and protect your heart/I could never lose your number girl/it's tattooed on my man part!" didn’t?  "I just adjusted,” he claims. “I didn't touch anything!" Ew!

Dumb and Dumber

Dear Bryden (whose hair never grew back after his accident), you just happened to carry bloody pictures in your pocket on your date? No one does that.

Party On

Cocktail party time arrives and the tension is as thick as James’ neck. Just as Fievel the federal prosecutor starts on his dramatic tale, “I have type 1 dia-beee-tus”, evil Ben interrupts! And now everybody hates him.

So now Will (and I mean it this time!), Twirly sign Robert with the lips, and some guy named Nick must go, but the burning questions remain. Did Des really rub perfume on her lips before her date? Will James neck get even thicker? Who has the girlfriend? Is her husband in the room? Will this season get better, or will my Smurf Village boggle the mind? And perhaps the most important question of all… will Bryden’s hair grow out in time for the Men Tell All?

We’re on the edge of our seats, ABC. Don’t disappoint us!