Czech’d out

I loved the red roofs of Prague. That was perhaps my favorite part of this week’s show! 

The Arie Debacle. I know I’m about to upset Team Arie, but “in the interest of full disclosure,” I have to admit that I’m not buying it.  The fact that Arie dated a producer 10 years ago isn’t really what bothers me. It was the comment by Chris Harrison, “Unfortunately, this conversation took place off-camera.” Spare me. This show flies roseless contestants back and forth across the world to beg for a second chance, and they manage to get that on camera. What happened to the “full disclosure”? Arie’s excuse that it didn’t “cross his mind” to tell her he’d dated the producer was lame.  Then he topped it off by playing the “I love you” card. Brilliant strategy. He got a rose. I think Emily, in her $450.00 sparkly shorts, said it best, “If he’s OK with hiding that he even knows you, much less dated you, and we’ve been hanging out for so long, what the [BLEEP] is he hiding? He’s a good actor.” I think Arie’s eyes are starting to look sort of beady. Don’t you?

Dear John,
The lock didn’t fit. You ate dinner in a dungeon. Again. (It probably smelled weird down there). Apparently you’re not a starter or a closer. And, you were boring. What can I say? NEXT!

Dear Doug Dad,
What the heck happened?! You were doing so well! We all sort of pretty much liked you! Then you turned into a clueless clunkhead. You apologized for touching her knee? You gave her an awkward peck of a kiss… I mean, way to go for finally stepping up, but DUDE! She was breaking up with you! Yeah. Ouch. On a positive note, you really did seem to be a nice guy. No matter what they say. 

Dear Chris,
You’re kind of… well, see, it’s like this… you seemed rather… on edge. Perhaps you need anger management classes? Because you’ve totally got a SHINING VIBE thing going on! I think I even heard the growl of “Redrum, REDRUM!” coming out of your throat during the Rose Ceremony. What the heck! Why did the woman keep you?

Dear Sean, Really? “EMILY! EMILY! EMILY! Wherefore art thou, EMILYYY!” Did you actually think she’d lean out one of those windows and throw you a rose? That was so last week, buddy.  (And we were supposed to believe that the producers let a lone woman make her way home through the “deserted” streets and alleys of a strange city?) I suppose that was a smooth move though. That, and the pushing her up against the wall a few times for a kiss.  Not bad. Having a “man’s key” didn’t hurt you either. And from what the previews of the hometown dates are showing, and 1-F’s surprising rise in the polls, you’re gonna need all the help you can get, my friend.

"This is a BIG key. It's a MAN'S key!"

Dear Universe,
What the heck happened? Suddenly the whole world is on the Jef Train? I don’t get it! Am I the only one who feels like they’re watching Adventures in Babysitting? Somehow, in the course of one puppet show, 1-F’s status jumped from younger brother to…. Dare I say it? F-1. Somehow this young, high-haired, skateboard riding, handbag and nail polish expert, (who is as far from Brad Womack as you can get), has won America’s heart! But has he won Emily’s? She said, "There aren't too many people I could lay on the floor with and still be very happy." Well, there are only five people, actually: Sean, Jef, Chris, Arie, and Ricki. Oh, and Chris Harrison. And she gives him a rose! One-F-Jef is one step closer to "marrying the BEEP" out of Emily!  I’m stressing out, people. I’m STRESSING OUT! These shows never go my way. (By the way, did you notice her horrific outfit? No pants, and Indian rain dance shoes?)

"So... do you wanna get a dog with me?"

So, who do you think she’ll pick? Speed Racer? The Genetic Gift? Young Chris? or The Puppet Master?

Until next time!