Balls to the wall

Ohhh, what a week.

A group of bachelors hurling balls in wee little shorts, a broken fingered crybaby (I was hoping for a more sustainable injury, but you can’t have everything), naked pants, and rock throwing sort of ex-girlfriends with weird eyes. 

And that was just the beginning. There’s more!

There’s another daddy bachelor with a restraining order (but he’s innocent, I tell you!), a sobbing Brandon with major mommy issues (Des, it wasn’t nice to laugh while he was kissing you), and a lying snake who steals car rides and wears girls t-shirts.

There’s more? Yeah. There’s more.

There was ballet dancing on the side of a building (Des, it’s crass to say, “I think I peed my pants.”), jumping into a pool to escape a wind storm (because that makes sense), and a guy whose father is dying but stays because she gives him a rose.

And then....

And then there’s who? Juan-JuanPablo, the Spanish speaking Cowboy Casanova, who gets a little Juan-on-Juan time and spends it picking popcorn out of her bra and eating it out of her mouth. But we don’t care because this is WHO-JUAN PABLO people!

Finally (yes, there is an end)....

Des comes out in an awful sparkly blue dress with a full-on bedazzled breastplate (Seriously. Who dresses this woman?), and she RUTHLESSLY sends Dan home!

Why, Des? WHY?! Was it his pants? Splits happen! He gave you a pizza and everything! And he looks like JEFF FREAKING PROBST! Are you insane? Honey, they just don’t make ‘em like that! Oh sure, let’s keep Mr. Domestic Violence Man and send home THE best looking man you had. He even had dimples, Des. Dimples. 

Well, I’m disappointed, but at least we’ve got who? Juan Pablo! Don’t screw this up, Des. 

Until next time, Fellow Time Wasters, when we might want to avoid all burning questions!