Oh wait a minute. Strike that. I must be confused with all the quality programming I'm watching this summer. What's that saying? So much time, so little so say? Something like that. Let's get started!
Wouldn't it be fun to be paid to fly out to a fantasy location to ... remind me again why the girls are here? Oh yeah. To drink and talk about boys and listen to the bleep that comes out of sweet little Catherine's mouth.
So here's the long and super short of it:
Fievel heads home and calls his mom on the way. How sweet is that?! Have you ever noticed how wide open his eyes always are?
Old women caterwauling in town squares scare me.
If we could eliminate all the metaphors, the show would be down to a bearable 40 minutes including commercials. Like, we'd all be on Cloud 9.
Being cast on the Bachelor/Bachelorette results in a complete loss of all basic grammar skills.
Brooks: Let's come up with adjectives to describe the feeling between 'like' and 'love'.
Desiree: Oo! How about 'stepping' and 'skipping' and 'running'! And 'finish line'!
(Me: You're killing me, Desiree. Kill-ing me.)
Desiree: And right now my adjective is 'going into a run'!!
Brooks: Uhhh.... I'm a little behind in my emotional process. I still have questions, you know? (Translation: Someone get me out of here!)
Chris didn't get the memo.
Dear Chris,
I thought we had an agreement. You don't write anymore poems and neither will I. (sigh) This is all on you Chris. All on you.
They're writing about you in the news you know
These poems of yours they've got to go
I needn't explain the reasons why
You'll forever be known as the poetry guy
Zak-the-naked-guy continues to get naked. He actually presented her with a picture he drew of his abs! Hey. At least it's not a poem.
I continue to like Drew and his hair.
Drew has never felt this way [about a woman] before. He thinks he's in love. His sad tale about his sister trumped Zak's ab art and he got the rose. By the way... I got totally ripped off. Where was the crying Drew scene? I waited all week for that!
Desiree is "at the finish line." She's totally in love with BROOKS! In fact, she's so in love that she's crying. Chris Harrison is stunned. With three weeks still left to go, and his life passing before his eyes, he cries, "That's amazing! I'm so happy for you! So... we're done?" Breathe easy, Chris. She's a fickle one. "What's that? You can picture a life with Chris? Wow. That's... complicated."
So with three weeks to go, Des has basically told all. That's a first! But has she? With so much time left, it seems a bit odd that the producers would have aired that if they didn't have something up their sleeves. They didn't have to use that footage. Just because she's crying over Brooks doesn't mean he feels the same. In fact, at this point, he doesn't.
Let's hypothesize, shall we?
- Is it Brooks? Or is he wondering how it got this far?
- Could Chris win this? And if he doesn't, is he the next Bachelor? And if he is, would the entire season be in rhyme?
- Can Drew win this? (I doubt it). Would he be the next Bachelor? Well, that'd be uh... interesting. Wouldn't it?
- And then there's Zak and his abs. His abs might be a winner, but poor Zak doesn't stand a chance.
Until next time!
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