“This is giving me a headache”

Here’s what I know:

Bryden is a buffoon. Once he found out they were going to Germany instead of someplace tropical, he was out of there. That, and he has a girlfriend. I know. Shocker.

Ben has a shirt just like mine. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Poor picked on Ben. Was the big bad federal prosecutor mean to you?  The truth comes out in the limo. Put your suitcase away. Hollywood isn’t going to want you any more than Des does. And by the way, the shirt looks better on me.

Michael Mousekowitz, you were a dog to Ben on the hot tug date! A dog! That wasn’t nice (secret high-five). But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why you’re still here and not JUAN PABLO!

Juan Pablo is a Venezuelan Soccer God. 

"Oooh, I feel like I'm home," he purrs on the field. Brooks is annoyed. "Juan Pablo's very name is directly translated to, “You have no chance -- and I am going out with Desiree at this moment on the soccer field." Yeah, well, get a grip Brooks. America deserves to see Juan Pablo in his natural element (even if he did get whipped by a bunch of girls). Ah, Juan Pablo, Juan Pablo. What went wrong? Did Des get hit on the head with a soccer ball? ¡Ay, dios mio! It was not meant to be. Stay strong, mi amigo. 

Dear Des, You’re an idiot.

Last week Chris told us he’s a big boy now. “I don’t have to brush my teeth, I can go to bed whenever I want, stay up as late as I want, and eat whatever I want!” Yay for you, Chris! 

 

Dear Chris, I wrote this poem just for you:

You're funny and nice, witty and charming

Your way with the guys is somewhat disarming

Who knew the guy who tied his shoe

Would make dear Des so into you

You're sort of a favorite this Bachelorette season

Are you here for all the right reasons?

But of these poems I've had my fill

If you stop writing them I promise I will

Zak’s art date with Des and the naked guy wasn’t awkward in the least. "I'm with a girl that I want to be romantic with and, uh, now we have a naked guy in the room. I'm like, 'Don't look down. Don't look down.'" 

Did you notice the teacher in the background gesticulating towards the model? Aquí puedes ver una muestra perfecta de un pene masculino. Observe la forma y la línea ...  

Jake Pavelka Drew is a good kisser. And a good strategic planner. Notice how he secured the rose with his kissing lessons and sad story before he slammed James? You’ve got to appreciate a man who can do that and have perfect hair all at the same time.

#dearkasey,
#sorrytoseeyougo. #youseemedlikeoneoftheniceones. #imaddingcounter-accusatetomypersonaldictionary.

Dear Cheating Lying James,
You’re a putz. 

Dear Des,
You’re still an idiot. "It's tough. Because I do trust them, but then I trust you. It's really tough."

Is it just me, or does it seem like most of these guys aren’t even remotely interested in Des? Off the top of my head, Bryden, Brian, Ben, James, Mikey… all were only here for their own gain. I sort of feel bad for her. What do you think of those who are left? 

Who will she pick? Will he say 'yes'? Or will they all dump her? 

And more importantly...

Who's the next Bachelor? Do we care?