Baggage Claim

Is whispering nothing?

Welcome to Jolly 'ol England, where our Bachelorette has a cold and her voice is bearable!

 

Suchstuff as dreams are made on…

There's even a golden halo of light surrounding these two!

Sean and Emily’s date is just perfect – because HE is just perfect! (High five!) And did you hear how she said he gave her “butterflies in her heart”? (Up top!) Seriously though, she should get that checked.

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

The lucky Bachelors sally forth to Stratford-upon-Avon, where “all the world’s a stage”, and our lovely Juliet tells her Romeos they’ll be "performin' some Shakespeare." (Alas).

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Arie is rather dumb.

"Aweary means tired?” wonders Speed Racer.  “I do not know what a 'poultice' is." (sigh) It’s okay pal. Keep kissing her like that and you just might cross the finish line in front of the pack. 

What a piece of work is a man

Dear Kalon,

Isn’t there a bottle of poison somewhere with your name on it? You’re no Shakespeare, but you just might be immortalized by these fine words: "You've gotta realize that if you become a part of her life, pretty much any date is going to be a group date – it'll be you, her and Ricki." Ouch. Or, "I'll get a chance to talk to an exhausted, sick mother who has a child waiting on her." 

You deserved to go home, Super Creep. I just about cheered when Emily snapped, "I love to hear you talk, but not until I'm done. I got that one from you!" Bravo! Now, “run along” (I got that one from you too!) Scram. I hate your teeth.

Off with his head!

Dear Emily,

You’re kinda scary when you get mad. Your eyes even turn crazier than normal. “I want to rip his limbs off and beat him with them.” My goodness. "I want to go West Virginia hood rat backwoods on his a--!" I'm telling you right now (Brad always said that. "I'm telling you right here and now!"), that I had no idea what a hood rat was. Let alone a West Virginia hood rat.  And I was shocked. Shocked, I say! And then the other little phrase, you know the one I'm talking about. Yep. That one. As we say in Southern California, "Clean it up, chica." You've got a little girl at home!

Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?

After Kalon is gone, Emily is having a pity party… “Woe is me! I don’t feel confident in any of my relationships now. My trust in all the guys has been shaken. Why, oh why did no one tell me about Kalon?! I didn't feel like anyone had my back!” And then to Arie, she says,

"Et tu, Brute?" (Well, not really. But I figure I've come this far....)

Uhhh…. Hello. Doug told her the second he heard about it! I kept shouting at the TV, like she could hear me, “Doug told you! He TOLD you!” And the poor fool didn’t even get the rose on the group date.

This was the noblest Roman of them all:
All the conspirators, save only he,
Did that they did in envy of Kreepy Kalon;
He, only in a general honest thought
And common good to all, made one of them.

(poetic license) Julius Caesar Act 5, scene 5, 68–72

All that glisters is not gold

Now this doesn't bode well. No, not at all! Ryan the Bird-haired villain from last week, who's suddenly into scarves, pulls a turquoise necklace out. of. his. pants! And she's falling for it! Like Gollum, she breathes, "[My precious], turquoise is my favorite color!" Oh for the love of all that's holy, woman! Seriously? Something is rotten in the state of Denmark England!

The most unkindest [hair]cut of all

Help me. I'm getting used to 1-F's hair. Emily's wondering if Jef is into her, and frankly, I wonder too. The entire date I was screaming into my phone as I texted dear Ileen, "SNOG HER ALREADY!" When he finally did (he practically ate her face), Ileen texted, "He probably tasted like a scone!"

I suppose the one thing, other than his blue knee socks, that he has going for him is he apparently knows about purses.  "If Ricki's baggage, then she's a Chloe handbag that I want to have forever." Ummm, okay. Oh. And he's into all night dance parties. Or something like that. I'll admit I was confused. Maybe I was too focused on why they didn't eat that amazing looking dessert?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Finally, the Rose Ceremony. Fare thee well, sweet Mushroom Farmer. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

So, fellow time-wasters, are you sick of Shakespeare? Do you want me to stop?

Who wore the red pants better? Ames or Wolf?

Do you think Arie is missing his eyelashes? (If so, don't mention it to Ileen ~ It upsets her)

And what did you think of the Pretty Pink Princess hotel room? 

Until next time!