I’d Rather Stab a Fork in My Eye

I have to agree with Kelsey. I think I’d rather be doing just about anything else than camp in a “hell-hole” with a “bunch of bimbos.”  But you know… I felt somewhat let down. The previews made it totally seem like there were some serious shenanigans going on (see the poll opposite). And there was nothing! NOTHING!  Other than Kaitlyn’s naked dock diving and Ashley Eyelashes insulting Chris’ manhood tent size.

But boy oh boy. Kaitlyn getting the rose on that group date didn’t sit well with Britt the Hugger. “I didn’t know you were so pro-slut. How can you validate such behavior?!”

And that made our boy mad. He looked ready to jump out of his skin! “I guess uhh. I – I see two sides like uh, Kaitlyn has a lot of different facets that are… not… and I don’t… those aren’t… I see the, the Kaitlyn that’s just… uh, you know what I mean. I mean, obviously, I mean if you like her or dislike her I – I don’t see I don’t look at Kaitlyn like being some really… I mean I’m not rewarding inappropriate behavior. You know. By giving roses to people uh… and I view is that a maybe… um…. I’m glad to have had this conversation with you.”

That’s telling her Chris.

It’s times like these that I wonder about Chris’ intelligence. And this…. when Jillian Harry Bottom asked him, "Would you rather have sex with a homeless girl — you don't know what she has.… Or abstain from sex for five years?"  He says, "When Jillian's talking I become very confused because the words come out much faster than my mind can process. Occasionally as Jillian's words begin to flow over my head, I begin to think of unicorns and dancing fairies. It's quite beautiful."

Omg.

ABC is in full Cinderella mode. Chris’ sisters chose for him the perfect date. Jade. Wasn’t she beautiful? And the shoes! I LOVE those shoes! Chris was enraptured. Completely smitten with “the girl next door.” Who just happens to have posed for playboy. Bibbity, Bobbity, Boo-hoo-hoo.

Meanwhile, back at the bachelor ranch, Ashley Eyelashes is having a meltdown. Apparently she told him/didn’t tell him, alluded to the fact that/but he didn’t get it, that she’s innocent/a virgin, then he didn’t kiss her/but she’s a princess, and now there’s another virgin/so she’s not special...

If that actually made sense to you, you should probably stop watching this show. Watch this instead:

And so we bid adieu to Miss Harry Bottom and the black box of shame, Crazy Ashley Onion (I’ll miss her), and a couple of others who I can’t remember.

This thing needs to start RAMPING up, my Fellow Time Wasters, before I think of a lot more things to waste my time on. And before I start talking like…you know. Uh… and I view is that a maybe… um… that’s just… uh, you know what I mean.

TTFN!