Sister Wives

Dear Bachelor People,
For heaven’s sake. The guy lives in a shed at the end of the driveway. What on earth for? Because he’s a farmer? He’s a millionaire farmer. He at least deserves to shower inside.

Dear Chris,
“This is not what her or I expected.” Seriously? This is why you’re living in a shed, Buddy.

Dear Girl with the bright red lipstick,
Wearing bright red lipstick gets you ridiculous pecking kisses. You gave the man no choice.

Dear Jimmy Kimmel,
You slay me.

Dear Jillian,
A black box of shame is not a fashion statement. And you might want to lay off the steroids. That could be causing your hairy bum. Just sayin.’ Oh, and by the way, some day those muscles will turn to flab.

Dear Chris again,
You laugh like a girl. And when Jimmy Kimmel said, “Try to have sex with everyone,” he was kidding.

Dear Helium Sucker Whitney,
I have a speech pathologist friend who can fix that.

Dear Virgin,
Just a couple of observations…
1. Lose the forehead jewelry.
2. It can be dangerous to kiss a man on a balcony. Seriously. He almost fell off.
3. Crying over a dead husband is okay. Crying over someone else staying too long in a hot tub is not.

Dear Girls,
I’m so grateful to be part of this amazing ($1) journey with so many amazing ($2) beautiful women. I live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. So when given the chance to kiss so many women, I’m gonna take it. I mean, it’s all part of the process. And if you’re a good kisser, you might even get to stay around longer.
Love, Chris