“So Much Corn”

Whoa, that was a lot of Bachelor to get through this past weekend. There’s much to discuss! So find a quiet place… We need to focus!

Let’s start with Sunday’s Chris Tells All. What they really mean is Chris Tells Nothing.

Widow Poe Tells Some, and made an effort to use every big word she knew. She calls herself a mental health professional. You’re a guidance counselor, Widow Poe. You help kids with their college applications. A mental health professional is someone you need to make an appointment with. Seriously. Make an appointment.

Andi Cries A Lot and Chris H. Cries A Little. You noticed that, right? Chris Harrison was all teared up while Andi was crying? Wanna know what I think about this whole thing? I think he’s been in love with Andi for a LONG time. Raise your hand if you agree with me! Other than that, I fast-forwarded through the Andi thing.

FUN FACT:  Ashley Onion liked to wander around craft services and came up with a conspiracy theory, that what they were really doing in the production and accounting offices was running a betting ring on all the women. Personally, I think she was on to something.

In other news, Megan goes home. (Goodbye, you crazy nut. We’ll always have New Mexico). But no one else goes home, and Carly collapses from excitement.

“So Much Corn”

So the girls go to Iowa, and Jade (the girl with the “small town values”) gets invited to see Chris’ home, and his really, really, Really big back yard. Which is actually much bigger than his town. That place just needed a tumble weed or two. Am I right? Thankfully it wasn’t truly a ghost town. All 50 or so residents were at the high school football game. Jade tried valiantly (though rather unsuccessfully) to show her enthusiasm. And for Chris, it was “one of the most amazing nights” of his life, which should tell you everything you need to know about his life.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel… Jade is regaling the ladies with tales of her quasi-hometown date, and by the time she gets to the part about meeting Chris's parents, Britt's face looks like this:

Britt informs us that this week is “shaking me in a part of my soul that I’m not used to being touched in.” Take that as you will. It's all just too much for Britt, you guys. Pull it together, girl! You're going to Arlington, too! ROAD TRIP!

“Did we just pass downtown?” Yes, yes you did. What starts as a road trip full of excited screams quickly turns into one of silence when the smells of the country infiltrate the car, and the women realize that Arlington takes a total of 30 seconds to drive through. Britt sees Chris' digs, and now Britt’s face looks like this:

You’d think she’d be happier. Britt probably realized that if she can shower once every few weeks while living in Los Angeles, she’ll never have to shower out here. Who would see her to judge?

While the girls are scoping out Chris’ hometown, Whitney and Chris kiss and take selfies all over Des Moines.  They finish the rest of their date bonding in a bar with his friends, while some guy randomly saws a block of ice in half. Whitney can totally see herself living in Iowa. Of course you do, sweetie. You’ve not seen the rest of Iowa yet. 

Take a bathroom break, grab a snack. There's so much more to talk about!

TTFN