#sofreakingcrazy

Okay, let’s talk Bachelor. 

If you had to spend eternity listening to either Chris singing or Whitney talking, how long would it take before you ended your own life? 

Kelsey, or as I’ve decided to call her, the Widow Poe, got a rose. What the heck! Seriously? Oh. My. Gosh! That girl is certifiable! Raise your hand if you suddenly miss Ashley Onion! 

And because Chris actually believed the girl, poor Mother of Kale got sent home! And some girl named Samantha, who had to take a long walk home down a dark street. Did you notice that? And where was Mother of Kale? Why didn’t they walk together? How far did she have to walk? Why do these things bother me?

Moving along…. Chris and the Quiet Virgin finally have a date. Have you ever seen two more beautiful people? Their teeth are perfect for one another. On a scale of 1 to unbearable, how boring do we think this date was? It was so boring, that we didn’t get to see half of it. Mostly we saw a couple of horses and Becca’s cute outfit. Chris and Becca sit around a fire and laugh, and then talk about laughing, and then laugh some more. And Chris can roast a shish-ka-bob over an open fire with his bare hands. Also, they finally kiss. Yeah, I’m bored.

The Group Date.  

What did we learn? 

• The old man with the beard and banjo should be the next Bachelor
• Just when we thought it wasn’t possible, Whitney’s voice does get worse.
• Jade wears hair extensions.
• Chris must be used to the smell of the farm, because he gave Britt the rose.
• Looks can kill.

The Dreaded Two-one-One Date

Let’s summarize.

Kelsey says of Ashley, “She’s a Kardashian who didn’t get to go on her princess date who has way too much makeup on to be genuine.” Why haven’t I been calling Ashley Eyelashes, Kardashley, all this time?!  

 

Chris takes the girls to the Badlands of South Dakota. To a weird bed in the middle of nowhere.

Ashley throws Widow Poe under the bus.

Ashley reminds Chris of what a great kisser she is. I think at one point he actually mouthed “help.” 

Chris dumps Ashley.

Chris throws Ashley under the bus.

Chris dumps Widow Poe.

Both girls have masters.

Chris dumps Ashley again.

Ashley stomps back and forth, choking on tears, lots of snot, and maniacal laughter.

Ashley throws Britt under the bus.
Chris strands them in The Badlands. 

Back at the hotel, the ladies par-tay!

 And Chris shows us all what life is really like on the farm...

Kardashley, you dodged a bullet.

As for the Widow Poe, she was last heard from as she headed to Paris. Where she can write. And inspire others.

I just adore Monday nights! 
TTFN!